The Jade Regent

Prelude to Campaign 2

Go along to get along

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Timeline -2 months prior to the destruction of the Licktoad Tribe in Brinestump, the party was finishing out their last year living full time in the town of Sandpoint. The following is the recollection of Jonathan Courage Winchester, with helpful reminders from Kryspin Kwikstryke. Henceforth referred to as “quick” by Jonathan, aka Johnny, aka J. As these journal notes/memories/stories were often recounted after a night of drinking Jambro’s Dwarven moonshine.
With apologies to David Thorne for our R&D.

The following issue was hazily recalled after J and Quick (who shared adjoining rooms at the Dragon Inn, owned by Ameiko, and thus share the same view) sleep was disturbed when the house across the street from the INN had an enhanced ever burning torch installed near the front door, in full view of the Inns windows.

Attempting to be neighborly the Avenger placed a note in the “letter box” of the town Sage/Wizard/book binder. The note read as follows…

Dear neighbor,
We live in the second story of the INN right across the street. Due to your new torch that seems to have been created in Plane of Elemental Fire that is shining through our bedroom window like a small but intense sun, I have removed the torch from your front porch and placed it in your obscenely large letter box. (I guess im luck you are the town book binder in that regard. It actually fits. Wow)

Regards, Jonathan.

P.S. This was a quick last Night conversation between myself and my friend in the adjoining room through the wall.

Quick-OH MY GOD! Did a fireball go off!?

Me-No, it’s the wizard house. He has a new torch. Cocksucker!

(Ignore that last part about the Cocksucker) But I wanted to ensure you understood our pain.
-——————————-

(The following day Amekio gave Jonathan a letter delivered at the INN from the neighbor across the street)

Dear Jonathan,

I received your note but you can’t go onto other people’s property and take things, that’s trespassing. Our point of the town is located near the woods and entrance/exit of town. I installed that torch for security. It’s a safety issue. I can’t help it if some of the light goes across the road, close your curtains if it bothers you.

For your consideration,
Montel the Magnificent
-————————————————————————————
(Reply left in his letter box)

Hello Montel,

Thank you for your letter. While I accept that curtains are usually the key to community accord, in this instance they would need to be constructed of eight-inch-thick lead sheeting welded to the frame by half crazed gnomes with religious determination. Last night, with my curtains closed and bedside light off, I read a book. Wearing my helm. Under a blanket.

Though unconvinced that blinding local fauna is the best solution, I do understand the heightened need for security living in a wooded area so near to the edge of town. Having lived in Cormyr, I am unfamiliar with much of the local wildlife but I did see my first raccoon last week. I stepped outside to have a cigarette and the raccoon, sitting less than five feet away beside an up ended bin eating the remains of Ameiko’s Artisan Tuscan Salami Pizza, hissed at me. Surprised, I threw myself backwards, rolled several times toward the door, and sprang to my feet holding the INN’s welcome-mat over my head to appear taller. (I am a dwarf, in case you didn’t know that). After this display the Raccoon appeared bored and finally left. Which probably isn’t as exciting a story as it should be but this isn’t Waterdeep and I’m not Drizzt Du’ Urden.

(The remainder of the letter is written in the Kenders hand writing)

I did see a snake the other day though. I picked up a stick to poke it with which also turned out to be a snake. Jumping back in panic, I threw it away from me, but our dog and wolf thought I was playing fetch and I had to run and jump over a creek to get away.
As such, this weekend I intend to set up a canister of poisonous gas we found from a secluded cabin near the edge of the swamp last month after we maimed an evil sorcerer and confiscated his items.

There is in fact, a gnome who lives in town and I will be asking him about building an industrial fan so I can put it behind the canister. I can’t help it if some of the gas goes across the road.

Good night!
Kryspin Oh! and Jonathan, in the first part of the letter, he says bye too.
-———————————————————————————-
(Response from Montel)

Dear Jonathan and Kryspin,

Is that meant to be a threat? Put something up in your windows if you two don’t like the light, we lived here for 5 years before you Inn Dwellers took up residence in the neighborhood and got along perfectly with Sir Gaylord who lived in your room before you. We went to his BBQ’s and I loaned him our grass cutting machine to trim the hedges of your owners INN. We get along with all our neighbors. I don’t know what you people do in your own country but in this country we don’t go onto other people’s property and touch their stuff.

For your consideration,
Montel the Magnificent
-———————————————————————————————

Dear Montel,

In my country, torches that bright would be reserved for warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically every living creature there an kill you outside the city, and we lived in a realm referred to as “The FORREST KINGDOM”. Perhaps you natives of Thesk think our primary spoken language is screaming.

I’m not surprised you get along well with all the other neighbors. If you put fifty Ogres with Down’s syndrome in a room there is going to be a lot of hugging.

And no, it was not a threat. My friend Kryspin was using an exaggerated response to an uncompromising stance. I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying anything when I’m not on a job. Even watching other people carrying things makes me uncomfortable. Mainly because of the possibility they may ask me to help. (I blame my human parents for this in raising me as such)

I did consider installing a torch as bright as yours, but this would require some form of carrying things, Arcane knowledge, and access to a powerful fire elemental capable of producing that amount of light. Perhaps even empowered with hell fire. I am told by my friend Ameiko the Inn keeper this would be very expensive. I can only speculate to what her reaction would be to the cost that would surely equal eight times the INN’s ANNUAL income, just for the purpose of retaliatory garden lighting.

It would be much cheaper to stand on the INN’s porch and throw rocks. I can’t help it if some of the rocks go across the road. You should probably put something up in your window. (I own a shield for instance)powerism2.jpg

Regards, Jonathan.
-—————————————————————————————————————
Dear Jonathan,

Did you take our torch again asshole? What part about not being allowed to go on our property don’t you get?

For your consideration, Montel the Magnificent
-————————————————————————————————————-

(In the Kenders handwriting)

Dear Montel,

No, I did not take the torch again. I DID relocate it again. Its current location may be discovered by deciphering the following set of clues to its whereabouts. Perhaps you could invite your friend Sir Gaylord over and treat it as a kind of treasure hunt:

1- It’s in the letterbox again.
2- Look in the letterbox.

As I realize this probably won’t narrow it down much for you, I will give you a third clue in the form of a riddle. (I like riddles!)

What burns with the light of a thousand suns and is in the letterbox?

BYE BYE!, Kryspin
-———————————————————————————————————————

Dear Kryspin and Jonathan,

I put a regular torch in so you can shut the fuck up now. Don’t send me any further letters. Cease all correspondence. Never trespass on my property again or I will notify the town Constable!

For your consideration, Montel the Magnificent
-————————————————————————————————————————

Dear Montel,

What if we have a BBQ and need to send you an invitation? Is it ok to send you a letter then?

Waiting patiently, Kryspin.
-—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dear Kryspin,

No. It is NOT ok.

For your consideration, Montel the Magnificent
-————————————————————————————————————————

Dear Montel,

What if I need to borrow your grass cutter for the INN’s Hedge problem? I can’t invite people over for a BBQ and expect them to stand in long grass. Someone might be bitten by a snake the kender was telling you about.

It’s a safety issue.

Regards, Jonathan
-——————————————————————————————————————

Dear Jonathan,

FUCK OFF, BACK TO CORMYR!!!

Last letter received…

Comments

At this point, Sheriff Hemlock comes to see you at the Inn, “Jonathan? Jonathan Winchester, also called Johnny and Johnny ‘Courage’?”

“You’re the Sheriff, I just talked with you last week when I brought those lost kids back. You know my name is Jonathan Winchester, What’s the fucking problem, even Torm is taking today off.”

The Sheriff hands you a letter, “You’ve been served. Sorry. See you next week.”

Prelude to Campaign 2
 

Hmm…

(Jonathan waits for the Kender to get up and hands him the letter.)

Here. Someone just delivered this. I think it’s for you.

(Then has breakfast.)

Prelude to Campaign 2
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